I miss my husband...

and he's only been gone for 4.5 hours. Johnny travels so much, but rarely is he gone for more than a couple of days at a time. This week, he will be gone from today (Thursday) until Sunday, then again from Monday until Thursday of next week. I woke up this morning dreading having to tell him goodbye. I couldn't figure out why I was so upset about this particular trip (aside from the addition of a 4th dog this week, another dog with stitches and medication, my car in the shop, and having to take my comprehensive exams next week) and I realized it's because more than ever, I NEED him.

I hate needing anyone. I have had a fierce independent streak since I was an infant; "I'll do it myself" is a mantra of mine. One of the things that made my husband fall in love with me was the fact that I didn't "need" anyone or anything. Poor guy, he must be under an incredible amount of pressure right now. If I were him, I'd relish the thought of being away for a few days. Being pregnant has been much tougher than I thought. I try not to let on about it and I know that I am fortunate enough not to have some of the horrible issues and symptoms some people have. I guess it's just not exactly as I had imagined it would be. I always thought I'd be filled with an overwhelming sense of joy and that I wouldn't mind feeling sick and tired and fat. I just thought the idea of having our child on the way would overshadow all of that, and maybe one day it will, but right now the mood swings and nausea and stress and water weight and yuckiness are really getting to me and I'd give anything just to feel normal...well, anything except my baby.

So that brings me back to needing my husband. He has been the sweetest, most patient, most loving man in the past few weeks. Normally, because he knows me better than anyone, Johnny doesn't let me whine or complain too much. He knows that if he did, I would just wallow in it and let it ruin the rest of my day or night. He tells me to push through and "get over it" when something happens at work. He really does know exactly what I need, even if it may not always be what I want. Lately, he knows that I NEED to be able to whine and cry and complain. He knows that I NEED to come home and sleep for 2 hours each day. He knows that I NEED to hear that I am beautiful. And for the next few days, all of those things that I NEED from him will be hours away.

Bless his heart; he's trying so hard. He even went as far as to arrange for one of his rugby players to come play with our dogs 3 nights while he's gone so that I don't have to worry about it. He takes such good care of me, even when he's not here, that it just makes me miss him even more. I know it's just a few days, but when you miss someone, a few days seems like a lifetime and when you're a pregnant woman whose husband is so sweet and kind, it almost feels like you won' t be able to do anything without him.

I miss my husband. I thank God for him every single day, especially when he is not around.