July Detox

On Monday, I swallowed my pride and stepped on the scale. It had been a very long time since I did that. It was so easy just to accept that I am not a "skinny girl" and use it as an excuse to eat whatever I want, not exercise, and continue to be miserable in just about every way that has to do with my body and health. I was appalled at the number and maybe when I have enough courage, I'll post that number here. Right now, it is just too embarrassing to put in writing. Something has to give. I am 31 years old, I have two toddlers, and I need to be able to have energy to play with them. I need to feel beautiful for my husband (even though he reminds me daily how beautiful he thinks I am). I have July off, so there are absolutely no excuses for me to use to avoid taking care of myself. I bit the bullet and I'm going for it. This detox of sorts is an attempt for me to retrain my body to crave health, exercise, and activity rather than junk and sluggishness. While I have no distractions, I am trying to take things one day at a time and one meal at a time to be healthier. My husband has been an excellent role model, losing weight and exercising for the past year. I'm not really sure why I have resisted healthy changes. I think it's a part of my perfectionism (which is more extreme now that I'm a mom than it's ever been). I don't do things that I'm not inherently good at doing...if I try it and it's really hard, I tend to leave it alone at the risk of failing. NOT a good way to live my life. The same goes with health and weight loss. I am not fit, it's hard, I don't really like fruits and vegetables, I've never been able to run distances, etc, etc. So many excuses to protect myself from failure. All the while, I'm just failing daily at being healthy. I am reframing my thought process...it's better to try each day and succeed some than to do nothing and succeed none. This will not happen overnight, some days will be better than others, and I am most likely going to fail more than I succeed at first. But that's okay. I am relatively proud of myself thus far. I am trying to eat better but not doing anything extreme in an effort not to get too frustrated. I am paying much more attention to what I eat and eliminating fast food and sodas (I've only had one coke all week, which for me is HUGE). I am drinking water (which is easy to do when you're active), and I am moving. I have taken 2 zumba classes this week and walked in between. This morning, I bit the bullet and downloaded the Couch25K app on my phone...and then I actually used it. It SUCKED...the first 15 minutes really sucked, but then I got the rush and the last 15 were much better. Whereas in the past I might have quit early using a million excuses, I didn't, and that, my friends, is success for me today. So far this week I have lost 2 pounds (since Monday) and I am happy with that. It's actually more than I expected and the week isn't even over yet. The real test will be whether or not I can make this my lifestyle, and then keep it my lifestyle when the craziness of the school year begins again. My thought is that if I detox and retrain my body, I'll get used to it and it will be a no brainer to incorporate into my "normal" life. Here is what I am asking of those around me: I need HELP. I am much too independent to admit when I need help most of the time, but part of overcoming my perfectionism is admitting that I cannot do all things alone and I am going to mess up and that people will like me anyway. So, if you see me, please encourage me. You don't have to lie to me or tell me I look good when I don't really, but if you see me struggling, positive words go a long way for me. Offer me advice, suggestions, yell at me for eating crap, ask me how my workouts are going...whatever you feel I might need at the moment. Please. It's going to be a very long road...like a lifelong one, and I plan to enjoy it every step of the way!